Don't you see this?

No Guts no glory...

2005-05-23T00:09:00.000-07:00

For some reason, I've finally begun reading gain. Looks like the army has not sapped all my brains yet after all...

You know the Beijing Olympics is coming up in 3 years.

Its remarkable how the Olympics have evolved over the years.

Now young men and women all over the world vye for the glory of the coveted Olympic medal.

They shed blood and tears and even resort to unnatural means to achieve their golds.

But even so, the Olympics just isn't the games it was when it started with the Greeks.

One of the games the Greeks had in olden times was boxing.

Sounds harmless enough? Not till you do it the Greek way. Here's the horrible historical history of Creugas and Damoxenos.

In the Olympic Heavyweight championship some one thousand years ago, Damoxenos the Dark Destroyer Beat the challenger Creugas... and lost the title.

2000 people gathered outside the arena on the afternoon sunshine grass to enjoy a fight to the end, and what a fight it was.

Big Damoxenos was booed as he came onto the arena with his leather cuffs round his hands while the handsome Creugas was cheered as he stepped forward.

The Referee explained the rules clearly stepped back and in a huge climactic start to the fight of the millenium, shouted the order "BOX".

Damoxenos lunged forward and swung his fist like a might hammer at Creugas, but he young and agile Creugas swiftly dodged and parried each of Damoxenos blows.

The fight continued on till the sun set and the crowd grew restless and the referee called for a halt to the match.

"We cannot have a draw" he cried "The contest will be decided by a single blow to be struck by each man.

The crowd seemd to like that and closed in for a better view.

'You go first wimp' said Dmoxenos to Creugas..

Creugas lifted his heavy leather bound hands, and with the crowd hloding their breath he struck a blow to the huge Dark warriors head.

The Big man just laughed- "My Turn"

Creugas braced himself for the blow that would've surely knocked him out.

He held his breath as Damoxenos cruelly drew back his hand and jabbed Creugas below the ribs with straight finers.

His sharp fingernails tore through Creugas's flesh . Damoxenos pulled back his hand and jabbed again this time pulling out Creugas's entrails.

The crowd gasped as Creugas fell lifeless and gutted to the ground.

The ref ran forward and said. "One blow is all that's allowed. You took 2 blows Damoxeno you cheat, you are disqualified. Creugas is the Champion!"

The crowd cheered with joy.

Creugas's Manager said, 'The boy's done well. Deserved thats win. We'll have a few drinks later to celebrate"

The new champ was unfortunately unavailable for comment.

Creugas will always be remembered as one of the greates boxing champions in Greek History.

Now there's a man who had guts...

Blog Power

2005-05-22T23:52:00.000-07:00

It's taken me some time, but I think I finally gatheed the brains that have been so robbed of me to finally come up with a coherent entry.

I looked through the newspapers recently and all of a sudden there's this big hoo-ha about blogs nowadays.

Blogs here, blogs there. Blog's not being private but publice space, blah blah blah...

In fact, there was one whole feature in the Sunday times about a prominent blogger... A FULL HALF PAGE FEATURE!

If you had asked me about blogs about a year ago, I'd have dismissed it aas poppycock, a passing fad... But now, Its a little different...

Yes, blogs, make people famous, blogs make them infamous, but there's no doubt about it, blogs have power.

Blogs are no longer merely the expressed opinion of an individual, now its the espression of a consensus of collective individuals.

Blogs can influence, influence people and other bloggers.

Its not the expression of a single person's views anymore, its the views of the world, global opinion.

The power that bloggers hold in their hand is unprecedented and dangerously underestimated.

Authorities know this, governments knows this and as far as I see, it would do them good to keep blogs as benign and trivial as they can.

So readers out there, know this. Blogs are a new way of life, they are the new speaker's corner, the new propaganda machine.

Blogging is power...

The mighty jungle...

2005-05-01T19:06:00.000-07:00

The jungle is an interesting place...

Believe me... I just spent a whole week in there... And it sucked...

This wasn't ODAC, it wasn't some simple expedition, there was no bonfire to gather round and sing songs...

This was just sick...

I've never imagined the SAF as a really stupid organisation till this point of time...

Outdated techniques, inflexible doctrines, really dumb modus operandi... Man... Singapore better hope they don't ever have a war.

2005-04-17T02:35:00.000-07:00

Hmm... you know, being locked up for so long really works up a craving for certain civilian foods...

Today, I had a sudden craving for a Mcdonald's burger.

Of course, went out to my friendly neighbourhood Mcdonalds and qued up for one.

And right behind me... guess who I saw?

Colonel Sanders!!! Or at least his imprint...

The Girl behind me was wearing a KFC attendant's uniform...

Hmm that's weird... Guess what was weirder?

Looking around a lil more, there were 3 others in the same KFC uniform...

Waiddaminute.. weren't these guys supposed to be rivals?

You now... the great franchise war and all?

KFC vs Mcdonalds?

Pepsi vs Coca Cola?

Lindsey Lohan vs Hilary Duff?

America vs the world?

Man... This is nuts...

I spend 5 weeks in the Army and strange things happen... Now KFC is ordering stuff from Mc's!!!!

Worse still... those cool black shirts on Mcdonal's staff are gone... I swear, those new uniform's on the Mc's attendants look like the old downward stripes of KFC's!!!

Man... I just don't get it....

Starry Starry night...

2005-04-16T21:34:00.000-07:00

It was a starry night...

The night sky was clear and the crescent above us beamed bright bathing the ground with its alluring cool blue rays.

Orange flames from lit candles lent to the spooky yet enticing atmosphere.

There she lay in front of me, clad seductively in a layer of oil, butt faced towards me as if calling me to her.

I had been waiting for this night for a long time, ever since I entered puberty.

It was my call to manhood, no longer would I be a boy.

All these years, I had wondered how it woould be like, how I would react when my turn came.

WOuld I fumble?

Would I make a wrong move?

Worse, would I hurt her?

Then the moment of truth came....

"RECRUIT NG WEI TAT LEONARD!" shouted my Platoon Sergeant.

"SIR!" I reciprocated...

Instinctively, I raised my arms to my armpits, as I had rehearsed many times before.

With quick military precision I doubled up to my Platoon Commander and yelled into the thick night air... "GOOD EVENING SIR!"

With outstrectched hands, he handed me my rifle, My M16, Butt Number 133...

"Take good care of her" He tld me...

"YES SIR! THANK YOU SIR!" I answered as I yanked the rifle with conviction from him...

I was now a man, married to my M16....

Fresh Meat...

2005-04-09T11:05:00.000-07:00

My FNG (F***ing New Guy) Phase is over... Now I'm known as SFNG (Senior F***ing New Guy). The New FNGs are just booking in.

Of curse, that earns us a few extra midle fingers from the sergeants... But that's ok... Cos we book out every week while those new FNG soddy bastards can't.

I wish I could share a few Stories about my time served so far... Unfortunately I'll be charged for divulging restricting information... And well, that's not very nice.

So in clean, unrestricted summary... here's NS so far...

3 things you should never screw around with... Weapons, Women and Money.
Lose your rifle you get seven years imprisonment.
Stare at a woman in the army to long or whatever and you get your pants charged for sexual harassment.
Not your money, don't touch it... You don't want to know what happens if you do that.

Don't screw around with a close combat instructor... Really don't... They will destroy you...

Don't screw around with a Fitness specialist... Remember, he's fitter than you...

Don't screw around with a Company Sergeant Major... They might bite yor ears off or worse, confine you.

If you're not mad, don't pretend to be. Its the fastest way to get charged for malingering. And thats not very nice...

When you write your name, always write in CAPITAL letters. Sign only youre SPECIMEN signature and oif you have to sign within a box. NEVER EVER EVER TOUCH THE SIDES OF THE BOX WITH YOUR PENSTROKES. NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER DO THAT! The SAF doesn't like that... And when the SAF doesn't like that they make you re-sign your name. And to do that you need a new piece of paper. That means every one who has signed has to re-sign. And that doesn't make you very popular.

If you're gay... Act straight... Enough said.

Run for the toilet every morning. It won't always be there.

If you try to commit suicide... Make sure you succeed. You'll get charged if you don't die. And worse, you don't get insurance payments.

Volunteering in the army is bad.

Being on guard duty is bad.

Tekong water is bad.

Tekong air is bad.

Tekong bugs are bad.

Tekong is bad.

Serving NS means three things. No freedom, No girls, No money...

Ever wondered what SAF stands for? Serve And F*** Off. Oh shit... I may be charged for this...

Freedom...

2005-03-25T03:04:00.001-08:00

Back from Singapore's Alcatraz....

Training's easy... Its living there that sucks...

2 weeks is no joke... Tekong cough, heat rash, sore throat, cough.... Man 2 weeks seems like 2 years...

But I'm back in the mainland now... Back at last...

I've met a couple of really interesting people there... Nice people, not so nice people, strange people, weird people, really really weird people you name it, they're there... But those are stories for another day.

For now, here's just a tip about the army...

Life is simple there, you don't even need to hear what the sergeant or officers are saying. Just yell, "YES SERGEANT" and do whatever the hell the rest are doing....

Don't be first, dont be last...

Try not to piss everyone off...

Don't break any rules... Everything is a chargeable offence. (as in chargeable in a military tribunal, which is not very funny)

Master the use of vulgarities before entering. (My Company Sergeant Major can do a full 16 word vulgarity. Recruits should be happy being able to do a maximum of 7 words)

Make sure you know the SAF core values

Loyalty to country
Discipline
Leadership
Professionalism
Fighting spirit
Ethics
Care for Soldiers
and especially the unwritten 8th core value
Do whatever you want, but don't get caught

Work on Murphy's law (my personal favourite life guiding principal)
"Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong"

Murphy's Military Laws
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
Friendly fire ain't.
The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.

And that's that...

The last hour

2005-03-10T07:15:00.000-08:00

Its been a week since my last entry. And yhis will most likely be my last entry for a long time.

You see... In less than 12 hours, I will be locked up in SIngapore's very own penal colony called Pulau Tekong.

And yes... like in any other facility designed to incarcerate young men for their past sins of being born at the wrong place and the wrong time, I will be ordered to do as any prisoner does.

I will be given a prisoner's hairsut.

I will be scrutinised 24 hours a dy by prison wardens who aptly call themselves 'sergeants'

I will be given a strict day to day routine as any prisoner is given.

I will be stripped of any personal identification (a.k.a pink IC) and be reduced to nothing more than a a green pass with my picture on it.

I will be subject to long hours of mental torture.

I will be exposed to people about to crack under the presuure of incarceration.

I will be screwed and f***** upside down daily by strange people whom I have never offended.

and worse still...

I will be expected to enjoy it!!!

Man... I can't wait! Sounds lke fun!

Bad news..

2005-03-01T08:50:00.000-08:00

Notification of Release of 2004 A-Level Exam Results

1. The results of the 2004 Singapore-Cambridge GCE Advanced Level Examination will be released on Friday, 4 March 2005.

2. School candidates may obtain their results slips from their respective schools from 2.30 pm on 4 March 2005.

Not good...

Work...!?!?

2005-02-28T01:34:00.000-08:00

Lot's of people are asking me, why the hell do I still work a month before NS?

Why not enjoy myself?

Not as if I'm strapped for cash?

Not as if you won't be treated like shit in NS?

In fact, sometimes I think they're right... Maybe I shouldn't work...

A month working at the Ritz Carlton has convinced me that I never ever want a career in the hospitality line.

Not that its a bad place to work... Sure its nothing but an opera, the hours are frightfully long (at least 12 hours a day!!! I ever worked 19!!!), the work's excruciating (I'm limping now cos of 5 blisters on each foot) and the bosses are by all means sometimes just plain.... unreasonable....

But at least I GET PAID... And the people there are pretty transparent. They actually f*** you upside down in front of you and everyone else instead of behind your back. And that beats JC.

And well, although I'm only one of 2 people there who came from JC, there's no bias in any way either towards or against me, just lots of pretending ooo's and ahh's from peers pretending to be nice...

Its mental stagnation.

There's no creativity in anything thats done there, no variety, and NO INDEPENDENCE!!!

It's just boring rigidity over and over and over and ovvveeeeeerrrr.....

ITs all the same from Management down to the lowest lifeform there... That'll be us-Taskforce...

Why the hell do I still work???

Well, find out yourself... I've never given any of them detractors a straight answer...

Application forms are availbale 24 hours a day at the Ritz Carlton Banqueting office...

Hint hint: It teaches you something.... Something you'll never learn...

The MRT Chronicles...

2005-02-23T09:32:00.000-08:00

Really... I think I should compile a book about this...

I seem to always be drawn to the weird stuff on the MRT...

Yesterday, I ran into 2 madmen..

They were being their plain selves... just mad...

All of a sudden, one of the bloody psychos fortunately or unfortunately (I honestly havn't decided) made the ultimate proclamation...

As he did a Kate Winslet with an imaginary Leonardo Di Caprio dangerously beyond the yellow line, he screamed "I WANT TO DIE!!!!!" through an absolutely cheesy grin.

Personally I wished he'd follow through with what he wanted to do. I would've helped him if he wanted if not for the fact that I would be charged with manslaughter on the grounds of abetting Euthanasia...(hey, I'd put him out of his misery wouldn't I?)

Anyway, dearth thoughts aside, the 2 morons actually set me thinking...

I remember a time not too long ago, I think it was last year, when SIngaporeans demonstrated their ultimately affinity and love for following the crowd.

Remember the poor teacher driven to death by her students? She was marking her students scripts on the MRT platform when one sneaky student decided to arm his unique "irritate the teacher" assignment.

The English essay was blown straight out of her hands and down into the path of an oncoming MRT train.

The teacher of course in a desperate bid to save the half worthless piece of shit which her student probably didn't even care two hoots for, lunged after the maverick script and the rest is history.... (including the teacher)

Yeah we were all pretty shocked at it the first time... I think...

But the true kind compassionate spirit of SIngaporeans just could not allow her to suffer alone...

Her death caused others to follow her enlightened example.

For the Next few months, suicide wannebes all over SIngapore decided to join her cult following by lunging themselves into oncoming MRT trains.

Unfortunately they also managed to disrupt the lives of thousands of SIngaporeans who still want to have a life and are trying to live life by reporting to work on time.

Once in awhile would be undersatcndable, but almost every other week? Come on!!!!

Well, it wasn't all bad, it did pressure SMRT to come up with a few new creative ideas to make riding on the MRT safer... like making sure the huge and expensive CCTVS which was paid for with taxpayers money can actually record!!!

But bottom line is, every live endedon the MRT track means a disruption of thousands of people's daily routines... And that's not very good....

SO next time, if you ever ever want to kill yourself by throwing yourself onto the oncoming train, please DON'T!!!

Not only will doing so make the train driver angry, but you will also die quite horribly in the process.

Even worse, your obituary will end up in the pantries of offices all over SIngapore as theor latest target for the dartboard.

There are other less painful/ore painful ways to kill yourself...

Whatever happened to the traditional hanging and jumping down from buildings?

Somethings not right...

Opportunity

2005-02-20T05:41:00.000-08:00

I must say, Singapore lives up to its reputation as a meritocratic country.

I ran into an old plus-sized JC friend recently at the Ernst and Young Entrepreneur Of THe Year World Summit this week at Singapore's premier 6 star hotel.

Her persona's larger than life as she is in person. Full straight A's for all 4 A'level subjects and S' papers, she's the only one who could brag that she was eligible for any scholarship around.

She was at the function as part of her internship asignment for the SPH Journalism scholarship. So she had a special name tag with the words "press" emblazoned on them in green, bold lettering.

What are the chances, someone like me, a small fry who is barely average in academics meeting her, a scholarship holder at such an event.

Looks like there is something right about Singapore after all.

We talked for awhile, reminisced, she complained all about her new job, the rigours of it as did I.

And then I finally popped the question...

" Would you like me to get a cold drink for you from the kitchen?"

She asked for chilled water and I maintained my dignified poise, walked smartly to the bar at the back as I had done so for many other guests before and fetched a glass of ice-water on a well-polished serving tray for her.

She tooked the drink and then thanked me.

We continued talking for awhile more as I cleared the other guests plates and cups.

She even commented that I looked nice in my waiter's uniform....

Talk about equal opportunity...

Expose....

2005-02-15T08:27:00.000-08:00

Keanu Reeves Larry King
Pee Wee Al Pacino
Tim Allen

Guess who these people were before they were stars???

Tim Allen, star of Home Improvement, is arrested on 2 Oct 1978 with 1.4 pounds of cocaine at Kalamazoo Airport in Michigan. After testifying against his partner, Allen serves only 2.5 years for felony drug possession. Otherwise, it would have been a life sentence. (In Tim's voice: hor hor hor hor hor...)

Al Pacino was arrested in Rhode Island for carrying a concealed weapon on 7 Jan 1961.
Was arrested cos he was found behaving suspiciously in a car with a few of his hoodlums. The three occupants of the car at the time were all wearing black masks and gloves, and had been seen by police circling in their vehicle in a suspicious manner.

So now we know why he's the Godfather...

Larry King, famous talk show host was arrested on the above date fro Grand Federal Larceny. (Larceny is just a fancy way of saying theft and cheating)

Charges against him were formally dropped on 10th March 1972.

Sounds like he talked his way out of trouble...

He is THE ONE....... who was arrested in 1993 for a DUI. (Driving Under Influence [of alcohol])

Smoking, drunk driving... What else does Constantine do wrong?

AND MY FAVOURITE!!!

Paul Reubens aka PEE WEE HERMAN was arrested in 1991 for masturbating twice with his left hand in a pornographic cinema. It was screening the triple feature Catalina Five-O: Tiger Shark, Nancy Nurse, and Turn Up The Heat.

16 Nov 2001 The LAPD searches Reubens' Hollywood Hills home and confiscates some personal computers, along with 30,000 pieces of his expansive collection of vintage erotica.
15 Nov 2002 Paul Reubens is charged with a single misdemeanor count of possessing materials depicting children under the age of 18 engaged in sexual conduct.
19 Mar 2004 Paul Reubens pleads guilty to a single count of posessing obscene material.

So much for child television...

But WAIT!!!!

I almost forgot!!!

Oh yes Bill...

ARRESTED FOR A TRAFFIC INFRACTION IN 1975!!!!!!
Gates has changed his story several times on what happened, but the most plausible is that he ran a stop light and wasn't carrying his license with him when he was pulled over, requiring a visit down to the station.

Dammit... Nice guys do finish last!!!!

Happy St Valentines day...

2005-02-14T06:03:00.000-08:00

I think I woke uip on the wrong side of bed today...

For many reasons, I am NOT in a very good mood...

But its ok, we all have our days...

It took me awhile... But I realised today's Valentines day.

Call it peer pressure or whatever but the bloody hype of it all over the place, in other people's blogs and all has just convinced me that it might be worth my time posting something on it.

Personally, i don't give a rat's ass about Valentines. Apart from the usual reasons we all express during GP, here's why...

Valentines day has a bloody history. It was built on blood and violence and has historically stayed that way.

Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome.
When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men -- his crop of potential soldiers.
Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret.
When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.

According to one legend, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl -- who may have been his jailor's daughter -- who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an expression that is still in use today.

Eitherwise, no matter the variation, no matter the legend, St Valentines day is marked with a person' death. And most likely a very horrible one at that.

Where do you think the red heart symbol came from?

In Sweden, its used to mark a unisex toilet. You know, the two cheeks sticking out should remind you of the all too familiar behind?

In ancient times, the hear shape signified the beating heart of man or an animal. Red only became a filler after they realised slicing a heart open in battle caused this strange hot red liquid to squirt out.

Its strange how pain has been mistaken so much for passion.

Oh and here's more pain...

Ever heard of Al Capone? Ever heard of the St Valentine's day massacre?

.

Thats reality...

At half-past ten on 14th February, 1929, six members of the Bugs Moran gang (an American organised crime gang) were sitting in a garage waiting for a consignment of illegal alcohol.

Instead a car arrived carrying three men dressed as policemen.

They were accompanied by two men in civilian clothes.

The policemen entered the building and told the six gangsters and John May, a mechanic working in the garage, to stand in a row against the wall with their hands in the air.

This was common procedure during a police raid and the men did as they were told.

The two civilians then entered the garage and mowed them down with sub-machine gun fire. When all of them were finally felled, a bullet was put in each of their skulls, just to make sure...

Although it was assumed that the murders had been ordered by Al Capone, the rival gang boss, no one was ever convicted of the crime.

This crime that quietly marks Valentines day...

Marriage is...

2005-02-13T08:28:00.000-08:00

You know... Its strange...

All of a sudden, so many of my cousins are getting married and every one in the family above the age of 21 this year are attached and are (un)happily contemplating marriage.

Maybe its the mariage season or something...

But anyway, couple of new philosophies on marriage have popped up as a result from my aunts and other relatives.

One of my favourites is by my cousin who us newly married and giving advice to her sister who was also becoming newly married:

"Marriage is all about give and take. So make sure he gives and you take"

And here's one from my aunt who's been wed a long time. She was responding to her son's omplaints of independent living, having to wash, clean, cook, grocery shop and all by himself.

"You know, you need a WIFE!

Washing
Ironing
Food
Entertainment"

Interesting....

Here are a few more idea about marriage which I think are worth pondering about...

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring

Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!

There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!"

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and around the hands and feet of the man.

Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them. (Note: Love= 0 in tennis scores)

May you never leave your marriage alive.

My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the marriage cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
Whenever you're right, shut up.

The tradition at weddings

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says,
"Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"His mom replies, "
The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
The boy thinks about this, and then says,
"Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

If any one of my newly-married cousins are reading this... well... oops....

The adventures of Alice in the MRT...

2005-02-06T08:11:00.000-08:00

You know, the MRT is a great place to look out for the stranger things in life.

I was on the MRT today holding on to one of the hanging triangle handgrips and reading a book at the same time when I heard a young, sweet cherubic voice go "Excuse me" from my right.

Of course, thinking i was in someone's way, I conveniently shifted my body to accomodate as little space as possible to allow the little girl who was just on her way to pass my by.

Strangely enough, that little girl wasn't satisfied. A second more impatient and certainly less cherubic "Excuse ME" bellowed again to my right.

For the first time I actually took my nose out of the copy of Dan Brown's The da Vinci Code I was reading and looked in the direction of the alleged victim of my ungraciousness.

There she was, right beside me. A little girl just trying to make her way from one end of the MRT to another.

Only problem was this little girl was as tall as me and staring me in the eye.

Her arms were stretched upwards and holding the 2 triangular handles before the one I was holding on to. Her legs were of course suspended about a metre off the ground.

When I finally understood what was going on, I let go of my handle, took a step back and watched the little girl monkey bar her way past me and got on with her journey to the realms of the next MRT car.

She reminded me of my primary school days no?

I remember being classmates with gymnastics stars Low Sanmay and Alvin Peh. (How can you not know them? They won so many golds in the SEA games for us. And they're my age!)

I wonder... is this the future of athletics in SIngapore?

Certainly there's got to be a better way to nurture sporting talent than on the handlebars of the MRT.

Then again, maybe there is no better place than on the MRT. You know what the Singaore Sports Council should do?

Maybe they should commisiona few trains and buses no?

Put a few observers on them and leave kids to go wild in there. Maybe we'll pick up a few olympic champs.

Maybe sports and athletics in SIngapore is not so dead after all?

Despot my ass...

2005-02-05T08:55:00.000-08:00

I'm half-drunk right now...

Just came back from my cousin's wedding... I drank a little too much and I'm definitely not thinking right...

But I flicked on the telly just now and managed to catch half of Lee Kuan Yew's forum in NUS. Yes, that included the famed despot accusation.

Personally I got to give it to that fella who called the PAP a tyrant. It takes guts and balls to do that.

Personally I was interested in wha he had to say after LKY put his response forward.

"I think you are using fear of the past to control the people, and I think the country examples you are using only suit your argument. I can find a dozen others to refute what you have said"

Ok... I agree, country examples used to suit an argument. Fine and well... That's LKY's job after all. He's got a case to put forward, he certainly can't be stupid enough to compare Singapore to Afghanistan or something.

But using fear of the past to control the people? Come on... Of course I fear the past! Cheese, you want to revamp the Internal Security Act? That act saved hundreds of people not long ago! How can you call JI the past? it was barely 4 years ago! And its not as if they've died off! Cheese, Osama's on the loose, JI cells are still operating all over SEA and you think the ISA is there to control the people?

How does it control the people really?

Do you meet your friends just about anywhere in the country at any time?

Can you choose to emigrate if you want?

Does it stop you from meeting your MP or e-mailing them at least to push your requests?

Does it stop you from reading what you want to read off the Internet or any periodical you find overseas?

Does it stop you from choosing the religion you choose to practise?

Damn right I fear the past... cos its gonna be the future if we aint careful. You think the Internal Security Act should be revamped? Show everyone how you an do it and still protect our interests. Show me exactly how without any loopholes people can live in peace with their new freedom and I'll support you.

Do I think censorship of the press is tyranny? Yes I do...

Do I think the ISD is a hardball secret police that has the power to strip us of freedom any time for the greater good? Yes, I most certainly do...

Am I willing to see all these acts dismantled? No I am not, as much as I hate to admit it, we need these acts to protect ourselves, to protect our interests and SIngapore.

One more thing, how the hell can you ever take our stablity for granted?

"The situation in SIngapore is more stable now and raaces have learned to live in harmony. Maybe diverse opinions might be better... "

My god, I'm all for the laissez-faire system, but for crying out loud, this is one case where I do not want to see conflict happen. Sure we're stable now, but let go this thrashing out, let go this consensus, and you might as well remove the fulcrum from the scale and let our society collapse. Never again do I want races fighting each other just because they do not agree with each other.

You think the opposition should be given more say? I think yes they should.

In fact, I think the opposition is going to penetrate the government one day. One day, the PAP will be a lot weaker than it is now. One day, i think opposition parties might just form the bulwark or if not a major minority of parliament. One day we might even see the PAP become an opposition party. I'm not discounting possibilities.

But I certainly do not want to see that happen in the near future. We are not ready yet. No good ideas, no good fundamental ideas for change have emerged yet. The opposition is not credible, and morons like Chee Soon Juan make nothing but hot air. You want change take your time, start from the bottom. Don't change for the sake of it, change cos you see a huge flaw in the system and organisation, and make sure the change does not compromise what good things we have today....

Ahh cheese... I think I'm gonna have a hangover tommorow...

Newton's shock in India

2005-02-01T10:15:00.000-08:00

Recently Isaac Newton, the father of physics, made a visit to Earth to watch a movie. He watched a few Tamil movies and emerged with his head in a spin.

Here's why.

These were the actions he saw Vijayakanth (popular Tamil actor) involved in: -Vijayakanth has a brain tumour which, according to the doctors, can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Vijayakanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumour along with it and he is cured. Long live Vijayakanth!

Vijayakanth is confronted with three gangsters. He has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet. Guess, what he does? He throws a knife at the gangster standing in the centre and shoots at the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into two pieces, killing both the gangsters flanking the one in the centre, while the knife kills the middle one. Vijayakanth is chased by a gangster. Vijayakanth has a revolver but he has no bullets in it.

Guess, what he does?

No, you won't succeed with your remotest imagination. As soon as the gangster shoots, Vijayakanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun ... and the gangster dies.

This was too much for Newton to take and he was completely shaken and he decided to go back. But he stayed around to watch another movie, thinking that at least it will follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes on fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed.

Oops! Not so fast.

The climax finally arrives. Vijayakanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. It's so high that Vijayakanth can't jump even if he tries one of those superman techniques our heroes normally use. He desperately wants to kill the villain. Vijayakanth pulls out two guns from his pocket. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun reaches the height of the wall, he shoots at the trigger of the first gun in the air with his second gun. Now the first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton faints!

Sweet dreams...

2005-01-31T05:39:00.000-08:00

I saw something unbelievable yesterday...

I was at the driving school, having lunch... actually I hadn't even started.

All of a sudden, I heard this low rumble to my 10 o'clock.

It didn't sound significant at first... who the hell cares about a few sounds anyway.

Then this rumble got louder, and louder, and louDER! (Think Jurassic park)

My teh-si was starting to ripple, its stirrer clanging noisily against the glass mug. With each rumble, the vibrations got worse and worse...

The ripples in my Teh-si started looking like a mini-Tsunami in action with every growl making the waves rise higher and higher.

My fork and spoon were vibrating and even bouncing off my plate.

Even my handphone on the table was vibrating, and no it was not a phone call!

My god! Armaggeddon has arrived!

Maybe Singapore's having an earthquake!

Maybe the dinosaurs have arisen from the dead to deliver us!

MAYBE IT'S THE SECOND COMING OF JESUS!

MAYBE BROTHER PAUL HAD COME TO PAY ME A VISIT!!! ARGHHHHHH!!!!

I looked up to stare at this monstrous abomination who had been sent to deliver me to the afterlife...

The sight of it was just horrific!

Its disgusting grey cloth garb jumpsuit tightly clad around the folds of fat that pulsated with every breath it took.... every rumble it made, every growl it gave out!

Its sinister slitty eyes closed!

Its over-sized nose oozing green slime slowly with every breath it took.

Its fat face pulsating with every low rumble that emanated from it.

I looked a little lower and saw the weapon it brandished in its hand. A retainer holding piping hot liquid! No doubt to scald and torture its victims just before it devours them.

It was a menacing figure. Hunched over, its fat hands supporting its limp slump over the table we shared.

It must have been for ten full minutes that I stared at this ghastly creature!

Wondering when it would awake to strike!

Wondering when it would end my short unfulfilled life!

Wondering how this old fat man in a grey maintenance jumpsuit halfway through his unfinished cup of kopi-o could fall asleep and snore so loudly and noisily at the table where I was having lunch!

Really... how does someone fall asleep while having a cup of coffee?

My god you should have saw him snore, it was so damn loud! Funny thing was I was the only one in the entire canteen that noticed.

After a while, I just returned to my food.

And No, I didn't stay long enough to find out what the creature would've done to me. It slept soundly (very soundly!) as I finished up lunch and quietly walked out without waking him up.

Mom and Dad says its all part of old age...

My god I hope i stay healthy enugh in future if/when I grow old...

Something's not right....

Here's the truth...

2005-01-30T08:43:00.000-08:00

Notice of dissappearance

2005-01-28T08:10:00.000-08:00

An ex teacher of mine whom shall now be known as Ms ECY has dissapeared.

She retired somewhere in july/August last year and was last reported to habing taken up a career in walking round temples to collect spiritual energy.

All attempts to contact her have been unsuccessful.

It is believed that she has now achieved a level of spirituality her absorption that she is no longer contactable by all earthly forms of communication.

Phonecalls, sms, snail-mail and e-mail have all failed. We will soon be calling in a medium to help.

For those of youm who know who I'm referring to, please drop a line as to her whereabouts and do indicate the spiritual/astral/metaphysical/whatever plane she is on.

Condolences...

2005-01-28T07:52:00.000-08:00

In memoriam...

Mr Ng Shee Weng.

Teacher, Gan Eng Seng School

Thanks for your effort. You went before your time.

Cheaters....

2005-01-27T06:48:00.000-08:00

I was conned recently.

I'm pretty upset about it.

I'm upset not only cos it proves that I'm a partial moron, overly-trusting and myopic.

I'm upset because my parents were right, and I was wrong to place faith in the 'honesty' of man.

I'm upset because the Chinese were right.

I'm upset because stereotypes have proved themselves right.

Singaporean's are gullible, that's what the Chinese always say.

Never allow a professional relationship to become too personal, that's the businessman's code.

Never underestimate the determination of someone who's out to rip you off.

Never take superficial kindness for granted.

Never place altruism over practicality.

I broke everyone of these rules. Now I pay for it.

Oh well, it's not the end of the world. Life goes on, at least I learn from it.

There's a lot of good out there here in Singapore. Businessmen doing good, honest work. Social workers helping to change lives. Teachers helping to shape young minds. Lawyers dedicated to upholding real justice. Doctors who really care for their patients and go the extra mile to ensure they live another day.

But yes, I hate to admit it but there's the bad. Unsrupulous Multi-level-Marketing scams. Dishonest bosses. Strange people who get kicks out of conning aunties of their life savings. Weirdos who sell illegitimate products which have the quality and lifespan of your average pet lemming.

There's a lot of bad out there too...

Singapore's far from perfect. And the line between good and bad is blurred. Like the grey area thing you know?

People use the preface of a noble cause to front a scam.

Social workers who molest the kids they are spposed to protectas child protection officers.

Self-proclaimed do-gooders who defraud NGOs of thousands of dollars of cash for benefit.

Social entrepreneurs who take money meant for charity for self-benefit.

Someone's got to stop this. I don't know why this has come up and I don't care. But someone has got to stop this. Like it or not many of these guys will have families, and children. Imagine what their children may become. Imagine what damage it can do in future.

I'm not against the casino or anything but I have to admit, those anti-casino activists are right. Casino in Singapore=greed for more money=more motivation for cheating=moreconmen=worser off society.

Something must be done... I don't know what, something must be done....

Breaking News!

2005-01-26T07:22:00.000-08:00

Channelnewsasia.com publiched this article today at 26 January 2005 2025 hrs.

Headlines read "Singaporeans praised for generosity during tsunami crisis"

So silly... Singaporeans raise $48million dollars and hurrah we think we're god's gift to the world.

Yeah, we did some things right, RSN Endeavour was one, Mercy relief, Redcross efforts blah blah blah...

Sure sure, I know we did all that. But with humble givers come not so humble ones as well.

For one, for christs sake, charity starts at home. Who are we to donate $48 million when we lack basic civic-mindedness at home?

Pregnant women, old folks standing on the MRT and no one moves their butt an inch to help them?

Old grumpy men brush people on the shoulder without looking the least bit apologetic.

Youngsters showing absolute contempt towards their elders, parents and even peers! Bloody hell, they treat everyone like dirt!

Neighbours, rich ones make helluva noisy quarrels over trivial matters. Remember Everitt Road?

Que-cutting, rudeness, people treating people like dirt... my god and we donated $48million dollars?

Obviously the size of our wallets is in inverse proportion to the real community and social spirit we have.

Just today, I was waiting for an MRT when 2 rowdy buggers from Clementi Primary School came cruising along in overdrive beyond the yellow line teetering close to the afterlife. One of them tripped on those non-slip grooves and almost fell on the track right in front of me. I caught him before he lost his balance. Cheese, guess what I got for warning him to be careful after that, a spew of vulgarities telling me to mind my own f****** business and stop being an asshole.

My reply was pretty straightforward: "Boy, you are full of shit!"

That set me thinking a little, if our younger ones are like that (and no, I'm not that old! I'm still a blooody teenager for crying out loud) my god, what sort of parents made them that way?

And these parents were the kind of people our society has, these are the ones who contributed to that $48 million who could not even solve their own lack of whatever... Gee I can't even blinkin describe it anymore.

And I've met some people who have contributed items in kind, cash or even volunteered some time. Yes, there are those who truly understand their bit in what they're doing. But here's just a few examples of pig-headedness in charity here:

1) Donors who have donated $2.25 and expect an instant receipt for their donation. Gawd, don't you think there are about a few hundred thousand people out there who have donated more than you? Do they all ask for a donation?

2) Morons who bring in the worst kind of trash into relief centres. E.g lingerie, plastic handcuffs, toy sunglasses, used batteries, used cotton buds!!! God... what small minds...

3) Volunteers who go in like religous zealots on a crusade to save the tsunami victims and leaving a bigger mess than before. For e.g, volunteers from a particular school and organisation which I have had the (dis)pleasure of associating myself with during the tsunami relief packing going in, opening bales of clothing, doing them halfway and then finally remember that they're hungry/got homework to do and just leave their half-completed piles of clothes for the flies to pack and sort.

4) Small-minded Singaporeans who treat relief organisations as if they were travel agencies. Believe it or not Mercy Relief and I believe even Red cross received calls asking them "Hello, do you have space to go to Aceh?"

5) Absolute Morons who can't differentiate the number of the dontion hotline ith a chat line. There was this genius intending to make a donaton who dialled 1900-11111 and found out it was a chat line. Christ, the number's 1900-1111111 for crying out loud! This moron circulated an e-mail and sms telling people not to donate and that the relief agency was a hoax/ some new promotion pulled off by the chat line operators to increase revenue!

Of course, there are those who have put in genuine, humble and good work. But man! I seriously think praise is just a tad bit too overrated here!

So here we are at the beggining, we have some SIngaporeans who know what they are doing. Even more Singaporeans who see themselves at god's gift to the world by donating minuscule amounts and really not having the slightest bit of civic-mindedness and really far dumberer Singaporeans who despite all good intentions albeit being half-baked absolutely make a fool of themselves!

My god, Singaporeans with "A great spirit of courage, solidarity and generosity has emerged from the Asian tsunami tragedy"?

Something's not right...

The sounds of silence....

2005-01-24T23:08:00.000-08:00

I was in the MRT today when something caught my eye...

A young Malay boy, probably bout 3 or 4 yrs old was learning how to sign his name with a pen!

Okok... before you get any preconceptions of boy genius or anything, he was unfortunately trying to tattoo his John Hancock all over his shin, calf and right down to his foot.

I enjoyed a good chuckle out of the sight...

His mum I think was right beside him, saw me laughing at him and joked with me, made them funny features on her face and in perfect Malay fashion, comically described the madness of which her son was made of.

She turned to her grown-up daughter a little after and continued her conversation, making her and I laugh our guts out as well.

There was beauty in that small chat I had, one which you don't come across very often these days.

Cos talking with the deaf and dumb is an experience worth appreciating.

Yes, the mother was a deafmute, so were her children.

And oh yes, I listened to their actions. Their gestures were explicit... it isn't very hard to understand sign you know.

And boy did they entertain me, make me laugh. There's this certain charm about the whole family, one which more blessed with full voices and beating eardrums can never hope to possess. And yes, there was well-thought out intelligence and beauty in their silent language as well.

A little later when waiting for the next train, this chinese girl who actually looked quite good with full make up was standing beside me with her boyfriend (at least I think its her boyfriend).

She had pretty nice features no? nice oval-shaped face, the right curves, well-groomed and dyed hair.

She looked pretty good... that is till she opened her mouth, revealing the true value of what was contained in that little head of hers.

In a horribly scratchy voice (one so horrible I can't possibly describe), she screeched and bansheed a full barrage of broken Singlish in the nastiest most disjointed manner pssible.

Now before you think I'm being condescending or anything, take note that don't have anything against SInglish or hokkien or any other dialect... I use them too...

But it just sounded horrible! No one could've enjoyed that! Vulgarities spewed all over in a mish-mash of broken Singlish sentence like "Ni tomomomolo qu zhe gor f****** place". I vaugely made-out a few disjointed references to sex-bands and pre-marital sex in her alienspeak as well though, at least that wasn't too bad.

That cute-girl image just shattered in my mind when I heard that farting from her mouth. Someone like her, blessed with such looks, a working voice and functioning ears can prove to be so much less gracious, pleasant and beautiful than a deafmute.

Maybe its a good thing that the number of hearing-impaired cases among the young are rising in SIngapore.

Ah yes, the miracle of mordern technology. With the coming of more high-powered speakers, deafening clubs and hearing-loss inducing mp3 players, maybe some of us will finally learn something from being a deafmute.

Humility, charm, civic-mindedness, friendliness... the list is just non-exhaustive.

Cos when people who are fully blessed with all working appendages and organs turn out to be of less value than the handicapped, something's definitely gone wrong.

I don't know what but something's definitely wrong.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

2005-01-24T04:36:00.000-08:00

I saw a chicken cross the road today....

Really, I did. Was waiting for a shuttle bus to come pick me up when I saw this little brown bugger with green tailfeathers cluck its way halfway across the road pecking at the small cavities below it.

Perhaps it thought there was food there? I dunno, I didn't ask it.

But the age old question was answered at last. It flocked its way in a flurry across the rest of the road when my shuttle bus fnally arrived in a menacing, chicken-squishing fashion.

I had a good laugh out of it. I guess why the joke's so funny too... Cos the chicken crossed the road to get away from the shuttle bus that threatened to squish it.

Weird no? How chickens have such freedom here in Singapore? And we're not even a full democracy.

Cos in Vietnam, China, Thailand and in 7 other countries, 25 million of them are being culled in a ritual of viral cleansing. Purging of the Avian flu (Bird Flu)

Its like the holocaust all over again no?

6 million Jews were gassed to death in 1943 to help purge the German race of impurities of the blood. And here, the same thing is happening, poor chickens. I don't think they're going to have a memorial either.

Remember Hong Kong? 1997? Probably slipped your mind till I reminded you didn't it?
Millions culled cos they were potential carriers of a virus that killed 6 people. Now I don't see no memorial for them.

Yeah yeah I know, we eat them almost every day. Hey, don't bark at me, I'm a chicken-lover too... I love them steamed, fried, diced, boiled... any way at all...

And boy I'm glad I'm in Singapore, cos I love my chickens crossing our roads too... And I love them safe to eat.

But despite that, lets not forget our feathered frieds whon are dying for us in 10 asian countries shall we? Cos holocaust for them or not, I also believe that they didn't die for nothing.

Cos I dread the day the Avian flu comes to Singapore. And I dread the day that these birds would have all died in vain, and the bird flu becomes the new epidemic of our lives...

I dread the day that our chickens can no longer walk free...

Fairness?

2005-01-24T01:27:00.000-08:00

I read an article in the new paper today (Mon 24/01/2005)

It reads: US Millionaire in car accident at scotts road. Driver ordered to pay $2m

"... Singapore driver, Madam To Keng Lam, a housewife, has been ordered by the SIngapore High Court to pay the Jogger's widow, Mrs Ann Masters Lassiter, US$1.3million ($2.1million SGD), for the loss of her husband's support..."

Poor Mrs Lassiter, her husband had been happily jogging in the middle of Scotts road (and I emphasise "IN THE MIDDLE") when a mean Singaporean Housewife with the malicious intent of sending her secondary 2 son to school at 6.30am in the morning failed to spot Mr Henry Adolphus Lassiter disregard well-marked out pedestrian crossings and rammed into him where every pedestrian who takes a morning jog in the heart of orchard road should be- in the middle of a yellow traffic box junction.

Mrs Lassiter must have been so devastated at her loss of her husband's support of an annual US$479,000 pay that she must have sobbed for days and nights at a time in her late husband's US$39million dollar estate with her two daughters and trying to salvage what's left of Mr Lassiter's legacy by holding Madam To, the driver, 45% responsible for Mr Lassiter's tragic and undeserved demise.

I wonder where the other 55% came from- 15% Mr Lassiter's own daftness, 10% it was dark at 6.30 in the morning, 30% Naggy Mrs Lassiter who probably kept Mr Lassiter awake late into the night before by keeping him on the phone asking him for a list of goodies to buy in SIngapore for export to the US.

I wonder if Mrs Lassiter is happy now that she has made peace with 100% of her husband's death?

She now realises that it wasn't her husband's fault neither was it hers. She probably couldn't have done anything about it, no point kicking herself over it. It was that SIngaporean housewife's fault; after all Mdm To is 45% responsible.

Yes, Singaporean justice may be a little bit backward as compared to the judiciaries in the US, especially since it took 11 years for the judge to come to a decision since the accident in May 9, 1994.

But I guess Mrs Lassiter is happy now that she has finally gotten justice for her dead husband and her torn family with their $39million dollar estate by effectively tearing apart and bankrupting another 'more guilty' family on the other side of the world.

After all, Mrs Lassiter has said that 'the consequences of Henry's death have been economically disastrous for my daughters and me in many ways." So I guess the 11 year court battle that has caused Mrs lassiter so much trauma and heartache has finally paid off. Justice has been meted out and Mr Lassiter can now rest in peace that his wife and 2 daughters can now comfortably live off the 2.1 million dollars plundered off a humble Singaporean family.

Hoorah for democracy

Incredible aint it?

Something's not right here...